yeah, I don't ever post. whatever.

This poem's awesome.

There is a Monster in the Valley
Mary Borden

There is a monster in the Valley,
There are creatures on the hill,
Look! Listen!
There below in the long blue valley,
Up on the naked golden hill, where the red tents are.
Look over the heads of the floundering armies
Across the flats of glistening mud,
Beyond the park of motor lorries,
Look; there is a monster, there are creatures;

You see the valley smoking –
You perceive the hills are shaking –
Here comes the road like a torrent rolling,
Guns, men, motors, wagons,
Guns, horses, ammunition,
Guns again and men and wagons,
Down they roll, grinding, heaving,
Driving headlong to the trenches –
And the sky, the poor torn shivering sky,
Watch those aeroplanes go through it,
Watch, you’ll see the azure quiver,
Is it not strange?
But on the hill there are creatures,
They are brown and green all over splotches,
They crouch in the mud as big as houses –
Obscene crabs –
And they move along on their stomachs,
Dragging themselves by their ears,
Their great encircling ears that go round and round like wheels
And they crush under their bellies,
Whatever stands in their way,
Men, houses, bushes, trees,
They are made so that their stomachs squash them,

Listen!
Do you hear those cries, those sudden shouts, those innumerable faint echoing calls?
Listen – Listen to the curious sound of sobbing hills and roaring skies
And maybe you will hear through the web of echoing noises,
The great voice of the Monster in the Valley.
It is lying there in a wood by the river –
Forty slaves it has to tend it –
Forty men to wait upon it –
Give it food and decorate it with long grasses –
It lies still like a snake asleep, along the river
But now and then it lifts its head on it’s long smooth giant’s neck and looks above the trees, and then it speaks. [End Page 605]

They say that its voice is smooth and hard as iron and that when it speaks, houses in another land, crumble away, and trees in distant forests, fall crashing to the ground, and men of another race are blown to fragments and die cursing a foreign God –
You don’t believe me?
Look – Listen,
The desert resounds with the tramping of armies like a drum –
Even the sky, the sky is shaking –
And I tell you – there are creatures on the hill,
There is a Monster in the Valley. [End Page 606]

I was just thinking
that it wouldn’t work out
I didn’t mean to pull the rug from
beneath your feet
no I
didn’t mean

I left that day without a thing to say
I just wanted to go and find what it means
to be free
of that thing
that pulled me away

Oh I just want
to be free

I had a court hearing today for my divorce. Now, since I don't have a lawyer and had to do all of this myself, I have practically been in the dark and severely under-prepared for everything court related. This is where I became confused about today:

The judge I was assigned to was the Honorable Judge O'Brien (Irish of course!). Since Sarah didn't contest, I filed for default and was given a default hearing under the Honorable Judge Connors. My logic said, "This must be a hearing so that I can file for default. This can't be the final hearing. I'm assigned to a different judge. There must be one last step." There isn't.

When I walked out of the court room I went to see legal resources to ask what the next step in this ridiculous process is, and the aid looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "There is no next step. You're divorced. In five days you can pick up the Judgement of Divorce papers and be on your way."

So yeah, crazy.

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."


apartment shopping today. wish me luck.

So I have a default hearing next thursday. This divorce is almost over.

So I've been thinking about taking an art class over the summer at WCC. This will be one of the first installments of operation "Make Life Better". I want to take a drawing/painting class at WCC because it used to be something I really loved to do in high school, but couldn't pursue in college. So there's that. I would also like to run more, play more music, laugh more, watch more movies, read more, and so on.

good talk.

I never write in this anymore, and for that I apologize.

Things are going well. Or at least better on several fronts. And for once, I'm excited about the future and what it may hold for me. All around me, good things are happening to friends. People are getting jobs, others are getting accepted to PhD programs, other people are excelling in whatever they choose to be doing, people are excited about life. I want some of this good ju-ju to rub off on me. I need good things. I noticed that a job opened at Huron High school, an English teacher position. I think I'll apply for it tomorrow, just to do it. What the hell right? I don't think I want to be teaching right now, but what the hell.

Christmas doesn't really look as daunting anymore.

This weekend was so strange. There's no reason really for the entire weekend to have a black cloud hanging over it, as it really started by getting tattooed on Thursday with friends old and new. I had fun, spent it with great people, slept for an extra hour before going to work at 8 a.m. on sunday, and saw a great show in Royal Oak with a good friend. So what the hell?

Thursday Jonathan came into town and we had lunch with Evan, whom I don't really know that well but is a swell kid. Then Bill shot down my tattoo ideas, but left the shop with ANOTHER scuba diver! Oh fate how strange! Karaoke was great, sang some Smiths, then it wasn't so great. But not a deal-breaker, just lots of awkward.

Friday we won't get into.

Saturday slept in, went to abe's, worked. Came home to some excitement and late night Wendy's. Gross and glorious.

Sunday I had to be at work balls early, but had that extra hour of sleep at my side, so all wasn't lost. Then I came home, napped too long, and headed out to Royal Oak to see Conor Oberst. Can I just say that I'm not the biggest Oberst fan, or wasn't a fan of Bright Eyes at least, but Desaparcidos is great and his solo stuff I have been impressed with, but this show last night was amazing! He really is an incredible singer/songwriter.

so why do I feel like shit?

My arduous journey is at it's last leg. This post may be completely incoherent due to the fact that I've been on the road for 2 days and have had 7 hours of sleep since sunday night.


Jonathan, Katie and I left at 5 p.m. on sunday and drove through Michigan and Ohio. We stopped at a Holiday Inn about an hour and a half into Kentucky. We got up, had breakfast at Waffle House (sausage gravy is not a good idea on a road trip) and resumed our drive. We got through Kentucky and Tennessee without a problem, and decided to gas up about an hour into Georgia. While in Georgia we met some interesting people at a gas station, but a quick explanation is in order before I go on. Because there were only three of us driving two vehicles, I was jumping back and forth between cars either relieving drivers or just keeping them company. We joked about picking up a hitcher just to help keep Jon company so I could hang out with my sister. Well, instead of picking up one hitcher, we picked up Patches, Crow, and Rebecca (yes, those were the names they gave us) - three kids hitching in Georgia that needed a ride to Florida. In doing so, we spent about an hour of potential driving time repacking the U-Haul and the two cars to make room for three more people and their packs. So we spent the rest of the day driving through Georgia. Goddamn Georgia. I never realized how huge Georgia was until I had to drive through it. Once we reached Florida we drove for a couple of hours and collapsed at a Super 8 Motel at 2 in the morning. This morning we left at 9 and got into Miami at about 2 to pick my mom up (she was totally excited about our new friends) from the Miami airport. Moving Katie in wasn't as bad as I thought since there were 6 of us and my mom. We got everything in, ate some pizza and Jon and the hippies left for Fort Meyers.

Tomorrow my flight leaves at 1, I get back to MI around 6:30.


Yeah, this post is terrible, but I thought I should log everything now I can somewhat remember it. Sorry about my poor writing ability. My brain is very similar to mashed potatoes right now.

They speak in glances
we sleep on second chances.

In the end, when we don't fall
silence, like a slit wrist, will call.
And we dare not embrace it.
Glance at it.
Know that it thinks you're shit.

One shot. This is my one shot?

So, life has been infrequently great and miserable lately. But good has been outweighing bad. I'm eating better, sleeping more, smoking less, drinking less (than the last few weeks), skating more, playing music more, and writing just a bit more. These are all good signs. I'm getting healthier.

I've also been standing up for myself, learning good boundaries (hardest thing ever), and doing what I know is right for me. The situation is still fucked, but I'm finally listening to myself. Things will get better. This is a good thing.


Resolutions:

Skate more
write more
go to more shows
commit more poetry to memory
cook more (I need people to cook for! Speak up!)
make amends to my family...somehow
spend more time outside

So why the hell didn't anyone tell me there have already been two episodes of the third season of Heroes already aired?  Why didn't I know of this? 

I don't have words to explain, nor even articulate, how uncontrollably excited I am at this moment.



And to make matters worse, or to get me, and surely not only me, even more geeked about this season, they quote Yeat's poem, "The Second Coming" in its entirety during the closing sequence of the season premier.  Good God hard-on city.

For your reading pleasure:

    William Butler Yeats (1865-1939)

               THE SECOND COMING

    Turning and turning in the widening gyre
    The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
    Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
    Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
    The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
    The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
    The best lack all conviction, while the worst
    Are full of passionate intensity.

    Surely some revelation is at hand;
    Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
    The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
    When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
    Troubles my sight: a waste of desert sand;
    A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
    A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
    Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
    Wind shadows of the indignant desert birds.
    The darkness drops again but now I know
    That twenty centuries of stony sleep
    Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
    And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
    Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

I've been reading old lesson plans and mourning my students from last semester.  I miss teaching so very much.



Self-Reliance
by Ralph Waldo Emerson
Due 2/25/08


Writing Assignment
Does Hawthorne agree with Emerson?  Is Hawthorne a Romantic Transcendentalist?  Give evidence from both texts to make your argument and support your claim.  4 pg min, double spaced, no cover. 
 
Pre-Reading

Consider the meaning of the title “Self-Reliance”.  What does it mean to be self-reliant?  What does “reliance” mean?  On this cover-sheet, write your definition of self-reliance. 





Key Terms:

Transcendentalism - an idealistic philosophical and social movement that developed in New England around 1836 in reaction to rationalism. Influenced by romanticism, Platonism, and Kantian philosophy, it taught that divinity pervades all nature and humanity, and its members held progressive views on feminism and communal living. Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau were central figures.

Romanticism - movement in the arts and literature that originated in the late 18th century, emphasizing inspiration, subjectivity, and the primacy of the individual.

The Romantic Transcendentalist believes in nature’s divinity and wisdom as well as the importance of the individual over the community. 

The Romantic Cycle:

 
To complete the romantic cycle, an individual will leave the community and enter nature, then return to the community.  While in communion with nature, the individual will acquire wisdom, then take it back to the community and sharing the wisdom, thus helping better the community in some way.

Examples of the Romantic Cycle:
•    Native American Vision Quests
•    Henry David Thoreau’s Walden

Example of Skeptical Romantic writer:
•    Herman Melville’s Moby Dick



















 
 

I'm cooking for friends tonight and tomorrow night. 

Seriously stoked. 


On the menu:

Saturday night - Mexican Spiced Lentils over Brown Basmati Rice served with Fresh Guacamole

Sunday night - Rosemary Chicken over Asparagus Risotto and Herb Roasted Potatoes

Did I mention how stoked I am?

seriously.






"And then the sense of space, of depth, is lost as the snowflakes fall into a pattern. "
Craig Thompson - Blankets

Sometimes I feel just fine being here, but I have a hard time sitting.  Not peaceful.  But I think that will come sometime.  I said yesterday that I thought I hit my bottom, but I don't think I've even come close.  Maybe I just hit some clay.  I've slowed down, and I'm exhausted.  I don't want to party anymore.  I don't really have the energy to have fun.  I should have eaten that quesadilla today.  Maybe then I'd have some energy.  I've been playing music, but I'm frustrated with it.  I wrote a new song, and it's actually about being frustrated.


Away (the music)

So many songs I
wrote for you
I just can't play them anymore

So many things I've tried to say
To you
This way

But the music just won't
let me play that way

I can't seem to get away
The music won't let me
get away



So, tomorrow's my birthday, and I'm dreading it.  I just want to sleep all day.  

So, last week I got my ears scalpelled.  I've never had my ears pierced before, so before last week, the only piercing I had was my septum.  I've always wanted plugs and I heard my piercer talk about scalpelling before so I impulsively did it.  It was incredible.  I sprayed blood up her arm.  Now, a week later, they are still tender and bleed a tiny bit if messed with.  My goal is a 3/4 plug before December.  I'm at a zero now, but I can skip sizes pretty rapidly, and I have huge ears that can take the stretch.

EDIT:

So, I'm expanding this entry, because I have much more to say on this topic, but didn't have enough time this morning. 

I have been increasingly frustrated with my upbringing, specifically my super conservative *almost* baptist church background.  Once I left home, the scales fell off my eyes and I have so much trouble comprehending faith and God and everything involved in Christianity.  It just seems too hypocritical, far-fetched and blind for me to really put much stock into.  I also believe that the world would be a much more peaceful place if it were devoid of religion.  Religion is responsible for so many great wars and so much bloodshed that it baffles me that any of these, nonetheless Christianity, is supposed to be a "peaceful" religion.  errg.

Links that make me happy:

god hates shrimp - if you don't get the humor, just google it and read the synopsis under the link.  It spells it out.  Also, CHECK OUT THE PHOTOS!

ashamed of you - echoes the ideas and sentiment of a creative post a while back I made.

evangelical right - might be my favorite one of the three.  Check out the video about McCain. 

Also, this picture.


When I saved this picture, the title, instead of some random numbers and letters, was 'dumbasfuck'.  That makes me laugh.  People really think this way!?!?  I think my parents do :(

anyhow, those are my my thoughts and opinions, not yours.  Have a great day!